I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
