he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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