I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
