Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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