Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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