I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
