Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I want is dick and wine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
