Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
