If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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