OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
