It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
