Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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