I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
