He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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