I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
