I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have aggressive nipples.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
