Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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