At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
