I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Text me some of your sweat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
