You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
