oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
