Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
