just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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