HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
