I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
