so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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