please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
