I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
