I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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