Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
