totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
