Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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