What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
