Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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