I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
