it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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