I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
