I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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