it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
