The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
