I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
