I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
