Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
