I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
