im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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