Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
