I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
