Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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