oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
