i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
